Frustration

If you look at my last few posts the recurring theme was how much I was still enjoying the game.

If you look at that last sentence you'll notice the word "was" - as in past tense.

It didn't take much to reach this point. My role as healer has become limited by other healers going on runs and by my gear restrictions. My alt's aren't geared enough for much of anything and after the enormous push to gear my healer and how quickly she's become stymied, I just don't feel the desire to try it again with the alts.

And leveling another character? I have the 64 druid and the 63 priest and absolute no desire to get them to 70 and hit that same gear wall. Even the 33 shaman where I'd be almost certain to have a spot in Kara and everything else the guild there is doing...

I don't know. I wish I hadn't gotten to the point where I was enjoying healing and instancing so much because I was perfectly satisfied to level alts and now I'm not. I just can't make myself PUG because I'm too acutely aware of my weaknesses. If all I can really do is Heroic Slave Pens or Heroic Underbog over and over and over... well, I'm already sick of those.

It didn't take much to completely undermine my blossoming healing self-esteem. I went on a Sunwell trash run. Keep in mind that I've never set foot in Kara. I was the #4 healer of 10 healers. (There were a couple switch outs.) The shaman healing gloves that dropped went to an enhance shaman. And when dps and healing reports were posted at the end, mine was questioned. "You weren't there the whole time." "Yes, I was. I was there for the big guy and stayed until the end." "Well, your meters are wrong." Other people posted meters that weren't much different than mine, but that questioning, the statement that I hadn't even BEEN there... deflated me. It wasn't losing on the gear. It wasn't losing on so much as a gem. It wasn't the 15g worth of buff food and elixirs I used or the 25g repair bill in exchange for the dubious distinction of having "been in Sunwell." It was that simple refusal that I'd even been there or done adequately.

Yes, you may be uber geared and I'm not. But I didn't make any mistakes (like that holy pally that pulled on the reset every single time) or do anything bad.

I guess what I'm saying is... doesn't anyone remember being in this place? Being on the wrong side of the gear gap and unable to progress? Sure, people in big guilds get to decrease the size of that gap and maybe I could try to take advantage of that myself. But after the little bit of experience I've had, I'm not seeing enough advantage in gear to deal with those personalities.